In Lila: An Inquiry Into Morals, Robert Pirsig writes about bringing a boat into a strange marina, in a strange river town, in the dark. He has the wrong marina or the wrong town, I don’t remember which, but the harbor lights didn’t match the charts and he kept moving the real lights around in his mind to make them fit his imagined reality. He was in the wrong place, but it seemed like the right place because he was mentally moving the data around. In other words,  Believing is seeing, not the other way around. I wrote that four years ago, I believe it, even more, today except that I want to add: Seeing is being, we are what we believe we are. 

A couple of weeks ago, Burt Kuhlman and I went to the  California State Railroad Museum. Driving to Burt’s house, I was listening to the Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testimony on the car radio and, when he got in the car, Burt said he had been watching it on TV. So, as we drove up to Sacramento, we continued to listen to the testimony of  Dr. Ford. When we got there, we both agreed the hearing was more interesting than the museum, so we skipped the museum, turned around, and drove home, listening to the start of Brett Kavanaugh’s testimony. After listening to Dr. Ford testify – and then watching and relistening on TV at home – I find it hard to see how anybody thinks she is lying. But I already believed her and her testimony just gave me a framework on which to hang that belief. I know that, but she was so vulnerable, so honest, and so strong that I thought that even some Republicans Senators would believe her. That doesn’t seem to be the case.    

I want to preach something, but first I want to tell a story. A somewhat embarrassing story. In 1966, I started a development/construction company, bas Homes, with my friend and mentor, Sam Berland. Sam was about 30 years older than me and, in many ways, he was a father figure, he certainly was one of the most influential people in my life. He had been my boss at Shapell Homes and we agreed that going in, we would continue that relationship. He would be President of  bas and, after five years of his tutelage, I would step up to President and he would stay on as an advisor. When the five years were up, I asked to become president and he agreed by saying I could be President and he would be promoted to CEO (and still boss). After a couple of months, I started whining and Sam finally agreed to an impartial referee to settle our disagreement. 

The ref moved in and watched us for a week or two and interviewed almost everybody in the company. When he got to me, he asked me if I really wanted to be President and I said: “of course”. He asked me that, he said, because in his experience, men – sorry but that’s the way it was in those days – who really wanted to be a company President, went after it “like a dog after red meat” and I wasn’t doing that. As the Ref pointed out, I was asking Sam to make me President while I was still bringing questions and problems to him, for his decisions as if he were the President. He said that if I really wanted to be President, I would make the decision and then present that decision to Sam as a  fait accompli. My priority was not taking over but having Sam like love me. I wanted to be President but not at the expense of our relationship. Sam wanted me to love him, but he was the boss and if that hurt the relationship, he was sorry. Looking back, I realize that Sam thought of himself as President; I thought of myself as his assistant. Sam was not going to give me his power, I had to take it and before I could take it, I had to own it. 

I think our country, the world really, needs women to take over and run it. And the operative word here is”take”, men are not going to give their control up. Men, especially we white men, think that the world needs us even though we are the ones who are ruining the world. Women already have more power than they are using, they control much, if not the majority, of the private money in the country – just look at the number of ads that are selling wealth management targeted towards women – and it is time to start using that leverage.