I went to the San Francisco Auto Show over the Thanksgiving Weekend – with Grandson Auggie and his stellar father – my Son-In-Law – Gabe. and I want to write about it. But I kept thinking about the Ferguson Grand Jury and Michael Brown and that makes the Auto Show seem too frivolous. Now a Staten Island Grand Jury upped the ante with Eric Garner and the Auto Show has faded behind a red mist of – I don’t exactly know what to call it, really – something between Sadness and Rage.

Sadness that my country is not the exemplar of Fairness and Justice that I want it to be and Rage that, even with all the Unfairness and Injustice, with all the Inequality, with the biggest prison system the world has ever seen, most of us still think that The United States is the Greatest Country In The World. I so desperately want to make it somebody’s fault – somebody besides me, of course – but there are no bad guys here. Or, maybe, more accurately, we are all bad guys.

I have my opinions about the guilt or culpability of Darren Wilson, Michael Brown’s killer, but those opinions are based on somebody else’s opinions because I wasn’t there. What makes me sad, however, isn’t the guilt or innocence of Officer Wilson, it is the typical-ness of the act. The dispose-ability of young black men. A couple of days ago, another young black man, Rumain Brisbon, was killed in Phoenix by the police, and I don’t think it was even mentioned in the New York Times.

Michael Brown was killed. That is a fact. Still, it is a fact that does not mean the same thing to everybody. When I goggled different variations of How many black men were shot by police last year, I didn’t get much; the numbers are not as available as I would have thought. However, I did get this from The San Francisco Chrony, dated December 2010: The NAACP presented statistics from Oakland authorities on 45 officer-involved shootings from 2004 to 2008, one-third of which were fatal. Of the people shot, 37 were black and none was white. Although weapons were not found in 40 percent of cases, no officers were charged.

In 2010, Oakland was about 28% black and about 82% of officer-involved shootings were against black people. Let’s stipulate that those are accurate numbers, still, there are several ways to look at them. To me – and, apparently, the NAACP – it shows black people are shot by the police at a higher rate because they are black. To Conservatives, even though their default position is normally that they don’t like or trust the government – for example, conservative Fox News sided with Cliven Bundy, and his heavily armed friends, over the government agents trying to collect taxes that the courts had ruled are due – see the shooting disparity as proof that black people are more violent.

Sadly, many good Liberals pretty much believe the same thing. Unlike Conservatives, most Liberals like the government. Their default position is that the government is good and usually works. They believe the authorities are trying their best and that the police should be given the benefit of the doubt. They point to the fact that Michael Brown had just stolen some cigars and that  Eric Garner was, in fact, engaged in an illegal activity. That is not to say that Liberals like that Officer Wilson killed Brown, just that the killing was unfortunate, rare, and – to a certain extent – understandable. It was unfortunate, but it isn’t rare, still it is understandable. Michael Brown was – how I hate to put in the past tense here, but is doesn’t fit – big and Wilson was scared. Later, Wilson testified I felt another one of those punches in my face could knock me out or worse. I mean, it was, he’s obviously bigger than I was and stronger and the, I’ve already taken two to the face and I didn’t think I would, the third one could be fatal if he hit me right. Officer Wilson said Brown was like The Hulk with terrible resilience and incredible strength. Of course Wilson was scared.

A huge part of why Darren Wilson was scared is because he was under-trained. Then, to make the situation worse, he was heavily armed. That is a bad combination. It isn’t, however, a combination based on decisions Officer Wilson made, it is a combination the City Council along with the Chief of Police- who drew up and accepted the budgets for Police Training and equipment purchases  – made. Wilson being under-trained and heavily armed was also a decision facilitated by several Congresses and several Administrations, including the Obama Administration, whose numerous bills to improve Local Policing, or as they like to call it, Local Law Enforcement, leaned heavily on equipment over training.

That is the American way. Washington is stuffed full of lobbyists pushing expensive equipment. They push it on the military and the police, both national police and local police. As a result, the police have become armed as if they were an occupying army (and it has become hard for them to resist acting that way). We want to believe that Ferguson and Staten Island and Phoenix are rare, but the people facing that occupying army know it isn’t rare. They know that the potential of something going wrong is alway there. That is not an accident, it is how the system has been designed. That is very sad,

Don’t be cynical, A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten years old that there wasn’t any Santa Claus, and he’s still upset. Judge Philander Coates

I love voting but I don’t always love the results. This year was different, however, in that I didn’t particularly enjoy the voting part either. Partially because I felt certain that I would not like the results. By Tuesday morning, I had quit thinking the polls were wrong, still, I didn’t expect that much of a blow out. But even more disconcerting is that I didn’t care about the results as much as I wanted to and felt I should. My disappointment in Obama has bled into a generalized disappointment and that has dampened my enthusiasm.

I want to be clear that I think Obama is a good, journeyman, President and I want to acknowledge that he has had an uphill fight in getting needed legislation passed . He has done alot of – what I consider – good. Much of it under the radar, like appointing a large number of – mildly – Liberal Appellate Judges which, importantly, is the pool from which the next couple of Supreme Court Justices will come. He has reduced the National Debt (a fact that is often hidden by the Republican’s hysterical screams). He has reduced taxes, although in sort of a backhanded and bumbling way, even if nobody seems to know it.

Still, I am disappointed. Some of that disappointment with Obama are what are usually touted as his major accomplishments ObamaCare and the Economic Recovery. I am not a fan of ObamaCare  – which I think is, primarily, a boon to insurance companies, subsidized by Federal Money  – still, he got a Universal Health Insurance bill through and nobody else has been able to do that. Yes, we have had  a steady, all be it slow, Recovery under Obama but the poor are not part of it and most of the money has gone to a cabal of the already rich.

My biggest complaints, in the end, my real complaints  with Obama are really complaints about his failure to change our National Direction, his failure to be the transformational president of his campaign. We are on a path that I believe is destructive to our country: at home, we, increasingly, have policies that result in less Economic Fairness, less Democracy, less Transparency, and more Oligarchy  and everywhere else, we are locked into what the historian Charles A. Beard calls perpetual war for perpetual peace.

Of course, Obama wasn’t running in 2014, even if the Republicans tried to make the election about him. I am not sure, actually, who was running because most of the Democrats weren’t running as Democrats. I think the refusal to run for the Democrat’s accomplishments but only against the Armageddon that the republican would surely bring on, was a big mistake. In Connecticut, Governor Dannel Malloy ran on the fact that he got some gun controls through, as did John Hickenlooper, Colorado’s governor. They both won but everybody else lost. Including, I think, me.