To put things in perspective for my white friends: every single time I get in my car and go anywhere, because of police, there’s an underlying fear for my life. EVERY time I make it home safely, it’s like I’ve won the lottery. And I should never have to feel that way…Tweet by Henry Lake @lakeshow73

Last Saturday night Michele and I went to Napa for a small dinner party at The Pereira’s. The Ramirez/Kuhlmans came down from Boise and the six of us, all fully vaccinated plus two weeks, sat around the dinner table – inside – eating Vietnamese pork – yummm! – and drinking great wine. We told stories and laughed and it was all the sweeter because it seemed so normal. It’s as if the last year and a month hadn’t happened.

To get there, Michele and I drove across the San Mateo Bridge and then ran up the East Bay until we turned off for Napa, we came home through Marin County. Our route choice was based on time going up and scenery coming home. At one point, we passed a California Highway Patrol car pulled over to the side, and even though we were rolling with traffic, I glanced at the speedo to make sure I wasn’t speeding. It never occurred to me that we might be pulled over and shot. It didn’t even occur to me that I might even be pulled over for no reason.

Three or four years ago, late at night, I was pulled over by the local sheriff on a very dark and deserted Portola Road. It was a 40 zone and I was driving 45 (on purpose, on cruise control). I put my hands on the wheel and rolled the window down, when the cop came up asked for my license, and told me I was doing 45 in a 35 zone, I told him it was a 40 zone and could feel him tense up. My first thought was that I’d rather not get a ticket than be right, I’ll just drop that, let it go and I told him I didn’t realize I was going so fast. He looked at my license and my white face, commented that I lived nearby, gave my license back, told me to be careful, and drove away. It never occurred to me that the sheriff might pull out a gun and tell me – yell at me, fucking yell at me while pointing a gun at my head! actually – to get out of the car, to get down on the ground.

But getting beat-up- maybe even killed – did occur to U.S. Army Second Lieutenant Caron Nazario when he was pulled over in Windsor, Virginia on a dark road and, from what I read, it occurs to every black man under the age of, what? dead, I guess. Lieutenant Nazario was pulled over last December for not having plates, although the paper plates are clearly visible in the video from the on-board camera in the cop car. When the Lieutenant rolled his window down, the cops pointed their guns at him and told him to both put his hands out the window and get out of the car. When he could follow an obviously impossible command, he ended being pepper sprayed and pushed to the ground. At some point, realizing that they were in the wrong, the cops threatened Lieutenant Nazario and let him go. Now the Lieutenant is sueing the two cops involved in Federal Court. I hope he wins but, even if doesn’t win because of the cops qualified immunity, it is a great place to start. Somehow, cops are going to have to start paying for their constant violations of black people’s rights.

As an aside, under the guise of a letter to his son, Ta-Nehisi Coats wrote a book, Between The World And Me about the daily intimidation and humiliation black men live with. The book is short and very readable and, to quote Toni Morrison, visceral, eloquent, and beautifully redemptive. If you haven’t read it, I highly suggest giving it a try. End aside.

The reason why this has gone on so long without any recourse is that this kind of harassment and humiliation by the cops doesn’t happen to white people. If the harm being done by society doesn’t affect us white people, it is easy to overlook, even justify. That may be starting to change, but we have a long way to go before we reach a society that matches the bullshit we are fed in school.